Being Straight

Last weekend I went on a date with a guy I've known casually for a couple of years. Now that I am single and dating again, he thought we should "hang out". OK, I've got nothing better to do with my Saturday night, so why not? He is 50, never married, blond hair, blue eyes, interested in philosophical discussions, taking responsibility for his life, and other such areas of my own interest.

We had a great dinner at a trendy restaurant that gave us a booth 75% enclosed by stacked beams and opaque glass. We ate yummy food that came in tiny portions on huge plates. We talked about movies, classes we've taken, mutual friends, and what we want in life.

"You want to hear what I want?", he asks with enthusiasm. "Sure", I respond, thinking to myself how nice it is that a man is taking the lead in laying it all out on the metaphorical table, without prompting. He tells me that he wants to be engaged by the end of June, and married soon after. Not to me, mind you, just in general. He wants his new wife to have a baby right away, as he's not gettin' any younger. He wants to quit his job and go back to school to be an architect. He will go to school while his wife, who has just had a baby, goes back to work. He will take care of the baby when he's not in class, and the rest of the time, the child will be in daycare. He says he wouldn't want to have a baby with a woman who wanted to stay home with it, because then she would just hand if off to him at the end of the day when he gets home from work.

"Well, what do you think?" he asks me.

"Thank you for sharing all that with me", I respond. "The thing is, what you described is pretty much the exact opposite of what I want. I hope you get what you want, but it won't be with me."

We spent a couple more hours together talking after dinner, and parted ways amiably. There was no drama, no playing of games over weeks and months, no hidden agenda. No saying what the other person wanted to hear, only to have it come back and bite you in the ass at a later date. No wasted time, no disappointment. It was just a great example of Straight Communication.

At first when I heard what he wanted I thought "Who does he think he is, that he can expect that life?" But then, who do I think I am that I can hope for a husband who will support me in staying home with a baby and going back to school to get the degree I've always wanted? He was just willing to be upfront about it, which freed me to be upfront too.

I have got to do that more often.


Update 06/11: I'm still friends with this guy. He's now married, mot working, and his wife supports him. And they're having twins in the fall. And he flirts with me every chance he gets. Dodged a bullet on that one. Even asked me (via text) last night if I wanted company. Hello?!? Aren't you married?